By Emily Fitch, MS, RD/RDN
With fall underway, we are looking ahead to a season of connection, tradition, and delicious food. And, for many of us, this can also come with a side of unsolicited comments about our bodies or our food choices.
As your friendly neighborhood dietitian, I am here to remind you that your body is not a topic for public discussion, and your food choices do not require justification.
Despite this, dealing with these comments (and sometimes the people that say them!) can be exhausting. To help protect your peace this season, here are five common comments along with a few different approaches for handling them. You can proceed with a gentle option, a spicier option, or think of your own!
“You look great! Have you lost weight?”
Gentle: “I don’t really pay attention to that.”
Gentle but firm: “Thanks, I’m focusing on how I feel mentally and physically these days rather than the scale.”
With some spice: “My worth isn’t tied to my size. Let’s talk about something more interesting!”
With a lot of spice: “I’m not commenting on people’s bodies anymore, including my own, and I’d appreciate the same courtesy.”
“Are you sure you should be eating that?”
Gentle: “Yeah, this meal looks great!”
Gentle but firm: “Yes, everything tastes amazing and I’m listening to what my body tells me.”
With some spice: “My appetite doesn’t require a co-signer but thank you for your concern.”
With a lot of spice: “I’m very comfortable with my plate and I trust my body to tell me what it wants. Unless you’re my digestive tract, I’m not sure why you care.”
“I’m going to have to work this off at the gym/restrict my calories/carbs/etc. tomorrow!”
Gentle: “I’m excited to spend some time with my family tomorrow.”
Gentle but firm: “I prefer to look at movement as something fun, not as punishment for enjoying a meal.”
With some spice: “Life is too short to treat food like a math problem. How’s dear old aunt Mabel?”
With a lot of spice: “Bummer, sounds exhausting. I’m going to enjoy my plate without the side of guilt.”
“I’ve been so bad lately, I shouldn’t even be looking at dessert!”
Gentle: “I think of sweet Grandma Ethel every time I see these cookies!”
Gentle but firm: “Food doesn’t have a moral compass. We aren’t good or bad for eating it.”
With some spice: “Unless you stole the turkey, you haven’t been bad. It’s just food, enjoy it!”
With a lot of spice: “Can we agree to leave the diet talk out of this wonderful meal? It really kills the vibe.”
“Looks like you’ve gained a little weight.”
Gentle: “I’m glad to be feeling more comfortable in my body these days.”
Gentle but firm: “My body has changed and that’s perfectly normal. I’d love it if we could talk about something else.”
With some spice: “Wow, what a weird thing to say out loud!”
With a lot of spice: “Please don’t comment on my body. It’s awkward for everyone and completely uninvited.”
If you find yourself overwhelmed…
Change the subject quickly: “Wow, the weather has been so miserable/great/weird lately!”
Execute an escape plan: Walk away for a refill or a bathroom break, even if you don’t need one.
Keep a note with reminders on your phone: Food is morally neutral; food can be culture/connection/joy/celebration; you don’t owe anyone thinness; your body belongs to you; or whatever else might feel helpful.
Phone a friend: Or text one, or seek out a trusted family member or partygoer.
Draw a boundary: “Right now it feels unhelpful for me to continue this conversation about food/weight. Let’s talk about what you’ve been up to lately.”